When Grades Start Speaking Louder Than Kids Do

(From the lens of The Highland Center for Mental and Behavioral Health - a Dallas-based therapy practice that welcomes clients from all over Texas)

Some afternoons, when a teen sits down with us, the conversation doesn’t start with words. It starts with the way their backpack hits the floor a little too heavily, or the way they let out a breath they didn’t know they were holding. By the time they say “school is fine,” it’s already clear it isn’t.

We’ve noticed that a lot of young people carry achievement like a second skin. They don’t brag about it. They don’t celebrate it. They just quietly work, hoping that the next accomplishment might finally bring a sense of rest or permission to slow down. It rarely does.

Sometimes a student will finally let themselves say the thing they’ve been circling around for months.“I think I lost myself somewhere in all the expectations.” or “I don’t know what I want. I only know what I’m supposed to want.”

There’s usually a long pause after statements like these. A kind of shared exhale.

School stress isn’t just stress. It becomes an identity without anyone meaning for it to happen. A child who was once curious, playful, and full of their own odd little interests slowly becomes someone who measures their value by numbers printed in red or black.

They start acting like a report card is a personality.

We don’t rush to correct them. Pressure this deep doesn’t disappear with reassurance. What we do instead is sit with the part of them that feels overshadowed. The part that wonders who they would be if achievement wasn’t the first thing people noticed. The part that’s afraid to slow down in case everything collapses.

In our work with teens, we try to make room for the quieter parts of identity. The part that misses drawing. The part that wants to try something ordinary instead of exceptional.The part that is tired of performing competence.The part that wants to be liked for more than being “the responsible one.” When those parts finally get some attention, something shifts. It’s subtle, not dramatic. A little more eye contact. A small smile when talking about something that has nothing to do with college applications. A moment where grades aren’t the center of the universe.

We’re not here to tell kids that school doesn’t matter. We’re here to remind them that they matter, even when school feels overwhelming, and